Love Potion
by ice queen
Summary: Lina gets doused by a love potion! What's Gourry gonna do about her new admirers?
1. Default Chapter

I should have seen it coming, I mean, I AM a genius sorcerer, brilliant, beautiful, and perfectly proportioned-ah, hell, who a

Love Potion

By Ice Queen

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers, or any other character mentioned or hinted at here. I'm poor and doing this merely for my own entertainment.

I should have seen it coming, I mean, I AM a genius sorcerer, brilliant, beautiful, and perfectly proportioned-ah, hell, who am I kidding?How was I to know the little rugrat would blow up something else and I would end up being covered with… goop?

Perhaps I should start from the beginning, I assume some of you have figured out who I am, the Great Bandit Killer, Lina Inverse.But at the moment… well, anyways, it all started this morning.Jellyfish for brains and I were discussing who would get the last chicken leg, when we accidentally umm… ended up throwing the aforementioned leg right onto the lap of the person sitting next to us.Now really, how were we to know that the Dynast Priest would get irritable at a harmless little prank like that and take away my magic?

But you get the picture, and somehow I ended up on the road once more, hoping that the pink haired midget girl could fix me this time… Stupid me. I shove at the green ooze that seems to cling to my every pore.It smells rancid!Even worse then Gourry after a really long fight, almost as bad as when he takes his shoes off! "Great, just great…" I mutter.

"Oh dear… I'm so sorry Lina-san!But… That was the special attraction potion I was making for a customer of mine… I suggest you stay away from males for the next month."The little pink haired creature said, a slight smile on her face… Yeah, she has something to smile about.And what does she mean… Attraction?

"Li-Lina… Umm…"I look up through my gooze soaked hair at Gourry.

"What is it, Gourry?I don't have time for stupid questions right now.I need to figure out-"Right about then I saw what he was staring at.Both Zelgadiss and Xelloss were wrapped around my waist, their faces buried into the cloth of my cape."FIREBALL!!!!"

….. Nothing happened….

Crap… I forgot that I still had no powers…I shrug, almost feeling guilty, then kick each admirer in the balls, hard.As they rolled on the ground, moaning in pain I grabbed Gourry by the arm and dragged him out of there as fast as possible without ray wing.

I stop at the nearest stream, dumping a now panting jellyfish brains on the ground and jump into the water with a muffled squeal."C-C-Cold…."When I finally climbed out, soaked, but positive that all the green ooze was gone, I plopped down beside him and scowled at the innocent looking swordsman.

"Alright… Kiera said something about an attraction spell, and the next thing I knew, both guys were crawling all over me… You're a man, what's the deal?"I gave him my 'Tell me now or face the Dragon Slave' glare, which had a little less affect since I don't actually have any magic at the moment… but worked none-the-less.

"Well… I guess they suddenly found you attractive… even though you haven't got a chest, talk like a boy and are prone to-"I glared at him, he seemed to get a little to much entertainment out of pointing that out.

"But if it's that attraction spell that Chibi-er… Kiera was talking about then why aren't you doing the same thing that they are?"Not that I'm not grateful or anything… I mean who would want a lummox like him… even if he is good looking, noble, and willing to die for what he believes?I think I'll stop there.

"Well, I guess it's different for me."He stated, shoving a piece of fish in his face.He handed me another stick, the fish at the end was burnt to a crisp but I wasn't too picky.Soon that obscure comment was completely forgotten, for the moment that is.We went to our beds, just as if it were any other night on the road, but the question still bothered me.Does Gourry find me so repulsive that not even a love spell could make him like me?

I woke up with a sweaty arm wrapped around my waist… I know it gets cold out here but Gourry's never-wait… this isn't Gourry's arm!I shove it off of me, jumping off of the ground and glaring down at the guilty looking fellow.He was eighty if he was a day, his beard and moustache long and white with a toothless grin peeping out at me from under all his whiskers.His head was bald and shone in the light of the early morning.

"Hiya, Sweetcakes, how's about you and me go find some place a lil more private and you can get some sweet Roshi lovin. I can teach you things you never knew you never knew!"He stated, his eyebrows moving up and down behind his sunglasses in odd motions.

"I really don't think so, old man… maybe you better go away before my friend decides to use that sword of his."He looked behind him, smirking as he saw Gourry still fast asleep on his pallet.Just as he was about to turn around again I kicked him from behind, hard.The old guy flew farther then a football at college, cackling all the way and shouting something about liking 'em spunky… I shrugged, then kicked Gourry awake.

"Wh-what?Whad I do?"He muttered, rubbing the sleep from out of his eyes.

"We gotta find a way to get rid of this stuff… and get my powers back, fast." I stated, just about the time we were surrounded by bandits.Finally, something I know how to handle!I whip out my sword, anticipating a decent work out…

"I-I-I-… huminahuminahumina…"This was getting disgusting.Even bandits were doing the infatuated thing!I know, I enjoy being drooled over once in a while but this… this was just plain out of hand.I shove my hand up to my forehead to show a headache, then motion for Gourry to take over.It wasn't much work, seeing that even as they were taken out one by one all they could do was stare, kinda like a cow after milking time.For L-Sama's sake!Even Gourry had a more intelligent look on his face then these guys!

This was getting sad.The only choice I had left was to go back to the little pink haired girl and see if she's figured anything out.Let's just hope Xelloss and Zelgadiss had miraculously disappeared in the mean time.

I shrug, tossing my cape over my shoulders in a pointless ward for males.I feel really sorry for all those popular girls out there, I bet they never get a break from the stupidity of males.Well… maybe not stupidity… Just the pure witlessness.I mean I get away with a lot because I'm cute, but this is just pathetic!

Forget about it.There seems to be a… tick… feeling up my leg.I look down, seeing a small brown man groping my leg and trying to verbally guess what color panties I wear.About the time he started on French cuts was when I drop kicked him for a mile and a half.At least the first guy hadn't wondered about my bra size!At least not to my face… Perhaps I didn't give him enough time… Blech…

I finally stopped at the place I had ran from just the day before, panting hard from dragging the dead weight Gourry behind me half of the way.Along the way I had met a creature with a katana blade in one hand and a dozen roses in the other.He kept trying to fight me for a date.Of course Gourry claimed this one, sending the kid flying through the air unconscious. 

"Ya… pant pant pant… gotta help me…"I wheezed.Non magic traveling is harder then it looks!The little midget turned towards me with a overly cute smile."I can't stand it!"Glomp! Well.Looks like Xelloss and Zelgadis had been counting the hours since I went away.How sweet…My face begins to turn blue at the strength of their grasps.

"Oh!Lina-san!Just after you left I remembered the cure!In order to get rid of the magic problem you have to drink this!"She stated, shoving a nasty concoction down my throat."And the attraction spell…"

Choke, hack wheeze… "Wha-*Cough* What's the cure?Anything I'll do it!"I stated, still slightly green around the gills and trying to breathe at the same time.

"Well… you have to be kissed by your true love."I look around me.Xelloss, Zelgadis, Gourry all staring at me intensely, and I do what any normal female being squeezed by a rock and a mazoku would do.I fainted.

********

I came to slowly, seeing four pairs of eyes staring at me curiously."I… You aren't going to hug me, are you?"I asked fearfully, backing up until back hit something hard.I was stuck against a rock and a hard space so to say.

"Why, Lina-san, why would we do a silly thing like that?Unless you want us to that is… I never knew you were into the kinda thing though…"Xelloss said, smirking at the bright flush that covered my face.He knew exactly how to get to me sometimes…

"No Lina, you're cured.I just thank L-sama that you didn't have your powers when we were clinging to you…"

"But… I thought the cure was…"I stopped, not quite sure I wanted to know the answer to my question.If the answer came out wrong I don't think I would know what to do…I turn, looking unconsciously for the one person not staring at me.Gourry stood a ways apart, as though he had no idea what was going on, nor cared.Stupid jellyfish brains.

*******

As Lina walked away, looking slightly down cast, Kiera turned to Xelloss, a worried look on her face.

"Do you think we should tell her?"She asked, glancing from the sorceress to the swordsman and back.

"No… I believe this too will be a secret." The mysterious priest replied.

The end.


	2. Gourry's Version

Before I get into one of those long overly wrought explanations that Lina seems so fond of, I would like to make one thing cle

Love Potion 2: The Gourry version

By Ice Queen

Author's note: This is gonna show a few of my theories on how Gourry's mind works, and yes, he does have a brain… It's just a little… preoccupied^_^;

Before I get into one of those long overly wrought explanations that Lina seems so fond of, I would like to make one thing clear.That chicken leg was mine!And I was just about to grab it off of that weird looking guy's lap when he mumbled something and Lina dragged me out of the tavern.The next thing I knew we were begging for something from what looked like... Chibi Chibi... You know, from Sailor Moon?I used to watch it before I took up being a traveling mercenary.Something about the transformation-er, anyways, where was I?

Oh yeah, well seems back at the tavern Lina lost her magical abilities.I guess I missed that part while I was drooling over the lost chicken leg.But the little girl was cute, she even offered me a cookie to make up for the chicken leg!The cookies were right over this big bucket of green stuff, and the little girl couldn't seem to reach so I decided to give her a hand.But just as I was about to grab the cookie box something marked Caution fell into the green goop.The explosion threw me back about two yards, but that was nothing compared to what Lina usually did to me.

Once I came to I was a little startled to see Lina covered in the green stuff… Did I say startled?I should say scared spitless, there was no way of telling what she would do to me if she found out!I almost didn't even notice the two guys hanging on her like she was a Turkey Leg. 

"Li-Lina... Umm..." I started out cautiously.She glared up at me, shoving back her now green and red hair with a growl.

"What is it Gourry? I don't have time for stupid questions right now.I need to figure out-"I pointed, making her look down.Her face turned bright red, even redder as she noticed some of the comments Xelloss was making... I didn't even know half of those suggestions were physically possible... *Cough*But she merely pointed down, saying the dreaded word, "Fireball."I hide my eyes, but nobody started screaming.

Huh... Oh right, no powers means no boom.Now I remember!Just as I looked up she did something that every male dreads-even worse then being Dragon Slaved, she kicked them both in the balls.I never knew Zelgaddiss could hit that note.As I was wincing in sympathy Lina grabbed me by the arm and dragged me along the ground for a few miles.You know, I could almost believe that hitting all those rocks with my head after meeting her has made me loose a few more brain cells.And grandad always said I needed as many as possible, I guess it's best that Lina does most of the thinking.

She dropped me on a particularly sharp rock and jumped into the stream with a husky little yelp."C-C-Cold."She said, wrapping her arms around herself in attempt to warm up.Then she just... stood up.What does she take me for, anyways? A eunuch?Her clothes were plastered to her skin, not hiding anything and all she did was shove back her hair and sit right beside me. Think innocent thoughts Gabriev... Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day... Puppies... Kitties... Fireballs...

There, that worked better."......You're a man, what's the deal?"She gazed up at me expectantly, making me shift my weight a little.Alright, what had she just said?I assumed it was something along why Xelloss and Zelgaddiss suddenly having the hots for her. I looked over at her with my most innocent smile and... lied through my teeth.

"Well… I guess they suddenly found you attractive… even though you haven't got a chest, talk like a boy and are prone to-"Oops, took that one a little too far, no... all she's doing is scowling.Deep sigh of relief here everybody. Ahhh...

"But if it's that attraction spell that Chibi-er… Kiera was talking about then why aren't you doing the same thing that they are?"YELP!I spoke too soon.Think Gabriev!Think!How can you tell the most dangerous woman in the world that you-umm... Okay, back up for a second, easiest way out of a truth is another, right?All right.

"Well, I guess it's different for me."I ripped off a little of the fish I had cooked, shoving it into my mouth and handing her hers. One thing that I actually care enough to remember is that if there was one way to distract the love- wait, I mean, to distract Lina it was food.Thank L-Sama I had started cooking a few fish ahead of time.Must have been while I was trying not to stare at Lina in the stream... I think... Sometimes that happens to me, ya know?I do things without even thinking about it.

She's stopped asking questions, the full meal having tired her enough to distract her, I hope.We headed to our beds, I was worried because she was still soaked to the skin, but if I were to say anything she would yell at me.She's so tiny that I sometimes forget that she can take care of herself.

I lay there on my pallet, staring into the dying embers of the fire and start to actually think about the stuff stuck in the back of my head.I guess most people don't think I do that, what with the happy go lucky guy that I am, but every once in a while this stuff refuses to let me be.I think I've been in love, yes, Love, with Lina since the day I met her.I guess everybody but Lina has already figured that out, but why should I care?As long as she stays with me I have a purpose, and in a way I guess that loving Lina is like loving your job, right?

It doesn't matter that she doesn't love me back.I kinda have to tell myself that every once in a while. When she hides her other side for too long, the soft side I get a glimpse of every once in a while, the one that worries about me.I might not be the brightest of guys, but even I know that nobody else gets to see that part of her.I got up silently, walking over to her pallet and putting my own blanket over hers.Her teeth were chattering in her sleep so I tossed another branch on the fire.I sat on her other side, beside the only woman I will ever love, staring into the night sky and hoping some of my heat would reach her and the cold night wind will be stopped.As dawn started to rise I finally headed for my pallet, secure in the feeling she would be warm.

I woke up when something small and pointy jabs into my ribs, I opened my eyes slowly, taking in a long set of legs and a very irate looking red head.Life is grand, truly.

"Wh-what? Whad I do?"I asked, rubbing at the sleep junk that's still in my eyes.I think all together I got about two hours sleep, max.But there's no way in Hel I'm gonna tell her, 'cuz then she'll wanna know why.

"We gotta find a way to get rid of this stuff… and get my powers back, fast."She says.I guess I was a little too focused on her legs to notice the bandits surrounding us… I mean really, someone that short shouldn't have that long of legs!But I digress…

The head bandit was a big guy, which made me grin in anticipation, the larger they are the more they rely on size rather then ability.If these guys were anything like the usual bandits we ran into with surprising regularity, they would make a stupid speech then attack.

Now… Where's the speech?

"I-I-I-… huminahuminahumina…"The big guy drooled, staring at MY Lina like she was LON incarnate.Not that I was too happy when she was, but you get the picture.My happy little grin turned quickly into something akin to blood thirst.I can handle it when it's the other guys, I know they both have feelings for somebody else, but this… Love potion thing is really starting to piss me off!

Lina shoved her hand to her forehead with her usual talent for over-dramatizing situations and motioned me forward with an airy wave.This is one of the reasons I both love and hate that woman… This time it was love.I jumped forward, pulling out the sword of light minus the steel blade.I guess I was feeling a little more vicious then usual, oh, what a shame. Needless to say, the fight didn't last nearly long enough for me.

I shoved my blade back into place with a slight smirk.I don't get the opportunity to smirk very often but this was too good to pass up.I was about to head off when another guy comes from behind.He was short, almost as short as Lina hand had an orange bandana around his head.I automatically began fighting, even after Lina grabbed me by my hair and dragged me off.These guys just wouldn't give up!I doubt Lina even noticed the twenty or so fights I had before the loud guy came along.I guess his yelling something about dating her pierced through her hard head.

Thankfully he was a lot easier to take out then the other guys, probably was all talk.I guess the fact he was offering her roses kinda made me go harder on him then I had to.All those pretty boy gestures seem to get to her but I'm too scared she'd fireball me to try them.And if she knew how I felt about her, well, I don't even wanna know.

She stopped suddenly, the momentum sending me flying on past her.I guess she finally let go of my hair, huh?When I got back to the place she had stopped at I was just in time to see Lina turning blue and Zel and Xelloss wrapped around her waist again.The little chibi chibi made her drink something the started talking again.

"And the attraction spell…" she started out.Lina, being Lina, cut her off.

"Wha-*Cough* What's the cure?Anything I'll do it!"She promised rashly.I guess she'll never learn, huh?I shoved my hand behind my head in a sheepish gesture.If I remember correctly the only cure for a love potion is-umm... Wait.I forgot again.

"Well… you have to be kissed by your true love."Yeah!Now I remember!Wait... true love, oh crap.It's up to her, I guess.She looks at me, then Zel, then Xelloss, than faints.I ran to her, catching her before she falls.Her large ruby eyes were shut, her face pale.

"I'll do it!" Both Zel and Xelloss shout, glaring at each other evilly.Soon a full blown fight had broken out, explosions coming from everywhere, but I could have cared less, merely staring down into a face I knew better then my own.

"Mr Gourry, I think you should be the one to do it."Little Chibi chibi said.I looked up at her, wistfully.

"If she ever found out she would kill me." I stated sadly. "But... I guess I'm the only one unoccupied."I glance over my shoulder, noting the others were still fighting.

Walking over to a large rock I sat her down in front of it.I guess I knew this was gonna happen, you know, in that back part of my head I mentioned earlier?My Grandma always had me help out with her patients, and whenever a Love potion case came in this seemed to happen.Sometimes I forget this stuff.

I knew I was blushing.I leaned over slowly, shutting my eyes tightly, than brushed my lips against the softest flesh I had ever felt.I yanked back quickly, expecting her to wake up any moment.

... Nothing happened... I guess I wasn't her true love, after all. I couldn't take this anymore. I just.. wouldn't be able to watch somebody else turn out to be MY Lina's true love.I turned, almost running, but I couldn't leave her completely.I had a promise to keep.

I stand, far enough away that I can't hear what they're saying.I don't ever wanna know who ended up kissing her... I just wish it had been me.

*******

As Lina walked away, looking slightly down cast, Kiera turned to Xelloss, a worried look on her face.

"Do you think we should tell her?"She asked, glancing from the sorceress to the swordsman and back.

"No… I believe this too will be a secret." The mysterious priest replied.

The end


End file.
